Miss you Grandmother..

It was 30th September 8.45pm when my loving Grandmother left this world. I really really cannot express how nice a human being she is. Her last word to me was my name “Anand” on September 29th night around 9pm and she kissed my palm. It felt like something.. I bent down to touch her feet and pray and I broke down as I knew her situation looked bad. I thought “Would this be my last worship??” and I said No No to myself. The next day when I entered my uncle’s house, people started crying. I knew what had happened and this was not I came there for. I couldn’t see her alive on September 30th 😦 Memories ran through my mind and tears rolled down my eyes. I was there with her till the moment she was burnt. Her body was sent into the electric furnace like thing. I just couldn’t see that. Hmmmmmmmmmm.. Let her soul rest in Peace..

I loved her innocence. I loved her love for everybody. I loved her attitude of “Do good things even for people who do bad things to you”, I loved her attitude of “Money is not life”. I love her so much.

But I feel bad for one thing. I repent for it. It pricks me. 😦

Even when I go to a shop nearby, she used to say “Careful Anand. Cross the road carefully. Ride the bike slowly.. I will go to the shop and come.. You take rest”.. Whenever she said this 5 or 6 times, I got little irritated and said “Please don’t keep repeating. I am not a little kid”.. Sometimes very softly. Sometimes I said a little harshly.

She loved me to that extent that made her tell multiple times. But why did I reply harshly to her?? Why couldn’t have I ignored those repeated statements? This pricks me.. It pricks me hard..

Why do I realize it now saying it is love and why did I say it was ‘loving and pampering’ me at that time? I am so so so sorry paati.. I loved u so much but at times I hurt you by being harsh whenever you repeatedly said things. I am very very sorry paati.. I request everyone to not be harsh to their loved ones whatever the reason might be that triggers you. It really pains later..

Now that I am feeling but

She is not there to repeatedly say things

She is not there to call me “KUTTY”

She is not there to call me “THANGAM”

She is not there to hold my hand and kiss my palm

She is not there to make me the dishes that I love, anytime I ask

Whenever my mother kept sweets in her plate, she broke it in half and fed me the rest or sometimes even gave me the whole sweet.

She showered so much love on me. I am able to see only her everywhere.. In the things that she used, in the place where she slept, in the pickle that she loved..

My mom, aunt and few others were serving us (Cousins and me) food yesterday morning. When we were eating, my cousin said a statement “Remember how she used to serve food for us?”. It just brought tears in my eyes. I remembered the rice rolls she gave us. I remembered the big banana leaf she placed in front of us and served with full heart. She seems to be everywhere now just like God..

You are GREAT grandmother. You are loved by so many people and that shows who you are. Please be with me all my life..

I love u so much and I will miss you very badly.