Love me, Please…

 sad-girl-sitting

(Half of the content of this post has been taken from Frozen Thoughts)

Characters mentioned in this post are imaginary.

Tina, a 5 year old kid, gets all the attention from her mom and dad. The time dad enters the house, she jumps and hugs him and she rests her head on his chest and they both hug each other tightly and she feels so happy. Everyday her mom and dad carry her and they spend all their time with her with loads of hugs, kisses, love and care. Suddenly tina gets a new companion, a younger sister, a new born, Mina. After this, Tina starts thinking. “Ma, I am looking at you and am craving for your attention but you dont even know. You are busy admiring your little one. She wants to run to her dad after he comes and she wants to tell him that mom doesn’t love her as before. The bell rings. Yeah Daddy.. She goes and hugs him. After sometime, dad also goes to the little one and kisses her and starts playing with her. Tina starts thinking again. Pa, where are you going? Why even you are tilting your head to the just arrived? Don’t do this to me pa. 😦

When this happens continuously, her thinking reaches a little extreme level. “Ma and pa, nowadays you seem to care more for her. I need you as before. Please be the same. That little devil is occupying my space. You also tend to give her more space and reduce mine. Every time I have to give up for her. Is it mandatory that the elder one should give up everything for her little sister? Then why am I here. I am losing everything day by day. Hugs, kisses, space, things etc. You are my whole world. Pa, you are carrying her the same way as you would carry me. I don’t like her anymore. Not even a bit. You said that I mean everything to you. This house is no more mine. Everything here belongs to her.” and so on. 🙂

Kids at their early ages are very possessive on their parents. Parents should spend time for the elder one as they did when that kid was the first wonder in their life. As a kid, Tina will show her emotions. Generally kids express their emotions by going to a separate room and locking the door or by sitting in the corner or by crying when the kid’s parents show more care to the little one. But when Tina becomes big and mature, she would not emote and will start dumping her own assumptions in her mind. I do understand that the parents’ love does not go down but love is known only when it is expressed. That too Tina expects only love and affection. Parents should also teach the little one to adjust a little rather than asking Tina to give up everything for the little one. When the elder one gives up every time,she feels highly irritated as a result of which she feels insecure.

When your elder one gets mature enough, she shouldn’t say “I waited pa. I waited enough. I can’t take the hurt anymore. I waited 18 years of my life only waiting for your attention, but that girl just suddenly stormed in after 5 years and took away everything that I believed was rightfully mine. Most of all she took away my world – my parents. You divided the attention that was all mine. You gave her my love and as if that was not enough, you both loved her more than me. Where did I vanish suddenly? For 5 years, you both always said I mean everything to you and forgot your promise overnight because she walked into your life. My mom and dad are now somebody else’s. They don’t belong to me anymore. That girl has taken my place. I’ve had enough.”

It is really hard to satisfy children. But when you want your children to be satisfied by whatever you do for them, just love them. I mean love them to the core. Make them feel very comfortable. If you have 2 kids, see to that you be the same to the elder one as you were before. 🙂

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Extremity in decision making

When you see a person graduating from IIT and working with you in a company, most of you guys think or say  ‘He/she is brilliant and I can’t match his ability’.  I would say “He is not superior to me. May be some are gifted with great analytical ability. But it is not that I cannot match his/her ability. I trust three things. ‘I, hard work and smart working’ and this combination is enough to match his/her ability”. It is just that people look at things in a structured way. We in India have been taught to do that. Most do not think beyond what people say nor do we create opportunities to make ourselves flexible enough to think.

When my parents told me to speak to some top executives regarding MBA courses, most of them said ‘Why HR??. You have better courses than that’. I want to specialize in HR field. My parents told me ‘You have to listen to them as they are highly experienced’. This is an extreme thought. I can take their views into consideration but I cannot take it as such. I think even my views are correct. It doesn’t mean that my views are wrong when a top executive says something opposite to what I say. Even after so many people told me HR is a crap, I didn’t bother. I have the right mix to pursue HR(managing self, people management, conflict management etc). I do agree that your views are restricted to a larger extent in this country wherein you will have to go by the words of aged or experienced people in any particular field. Everybody has views to express. But you take a extreme decision that ‘Will my view be correct or will I lose my image if I express a silly view’. Only when you express something, you get something back in return. You get either  a better understanding or a new learning. Do not bother about people around you. It is better to be a fool for a shorter period of time than for a lifetime. So express your views whenever you get a chance. Trust yourself. If that is lacking, you are an ultimate loser.

‘The don’t trust anybody tag’ is becoming a trend

These words are uttered most when

A person is ditched by his/her loved one which is a quite common scene nowadays
A person is ditched by his/her close friend

But isn’t it stupid to utter these words? Based on one or two incidents, you cannot generalize. I hate when some people commit suicides because of love. I seriously do not understand the logic behind this. When your parents put in all efforts to make you a better individual all these 25 years, the love for 3 or 4 years seems to affect you more that you commit suicide not even thinking about your parents. Also, there are girls who do not come out of their houses and boys who do not shave as a result of love failure. ha ha.. What else can I do other than laugh out loudly 🙂 Your thoughts are structured. “If this happens, I will have to do this” is your way of living. Thinking should never be structured. Else you will not see the broader side of life. I do agree that you will be hurt by the above mentioned circumstances when that occurs but all that you need to do is learn from it rather than form an extreme opinion. You can be more cautious in choosing a person; you can analyze the reasons that put a full stop to your relationships etc so that you rectify those the next time.

Eg : I have seen the below scenario happen in many places and so would like to quote it here. A girl hates smoking to the core but she falls in love with a guy who smokes with the intention that she can change him after sometime. Some may change and some may not. When a guy doesn’t change, girl gets a feeling as if he has ditched her. It all starts from here. She is the one who initiates the risk by loving a guy who smokes. So she has to think after a break up rather than make a extreme decision that guys are bad.

Growth happens personally and professionally if and only if you stop making extreme decisions. 🙂

Shed some love: Adopt

The below is an article on adoption I wrote a year and a half back and gave it to leading journals but it wasn’t published.  I have decided to post this article in my blog 🙂

Most of us provide funds or donate money to orphanages. But some prefer to teach the orphans or visit them occasionally .All these show the humane side of human nature. However, these services are transitory. Some people go to orphanages only on their birthday to provide food for the orphans. The kids in the orphanage sing birthday song for the child or person celebrating his/her birthday and then, they are provided with sumptuous meal/s. When the orphans don’t even know their own dates of birth would they like it or entertain or appreciate someone else’s birthday celebrations? How many of us would have given a thought on this?

Although these gestures show that we want to do something good in our lives and give back something good to the society, these bring only ephemeral joy to these orphans which vanishes sooner than it comes. You might have begun to wonder what makes me think so. My own experience with these orphans have left an indelible mark in my life….something that changed my life forever….something that changed my thought process…something that changed my very perspective of life!!

Eight years back, I collected funds from around 80 people and gave it to an orphanage. The caretaker of the orphanage took me to a room where there were six kids seated. All were thin, their faces were pale. The caretaker told me to spend sometime with them and she left. I can mention the name of the orphanage, but that will neither serve the purpose of my writing nor solve the issue.

I approached a kid who was around 8yrs old and asked him “How are you? What are you doing?” with a sad face. He replied well but the guy near me who seemed little matured murmured to his friend “Why do people come and abash us with the same questions?” I asked him what happened and I started walking with him in the ground.

He answered in a low and touching tone “Imagine yourself in a position where you will have to see sad faces daily, have to hear the same questions, and have no one to care for you all time. Everyday few people come to see us and they ask the same questions with a sad face. Why do they talk to us with a sad face? The confidence we have in us gets low when we see them like that. Are we not capable of doing something? It’s the mistake of our unknown parents. We all have courage and confidence to achieve something but what we lack is constant encouragement and opportunities. Few interact nicely and we love hearing to them. But their stay is short. We start longing for all those happy moments after they leave.”(I have been questioned by many if this is true but all that I can say is ‘Trust me’ :)) I shouldn’t have had a sad face when I asked him. That was my mistake. Any human would expect utmost care from at least one person in his life. But god has not given them that sweet experience. They keep playing happily but when someone visits the orphanage, the caretaker asks them to spend some time with the kids and most of them abash the kids by showing their sad face. Finally he asked me for some chocolates and he told me not to reveal any of those to the caretaker. My whole perspective of life changed after this incident.

 Each and every statement of his conveyed some serious meaning. I was so dejected about how we people viewed their gestures about charity and how the orphans actually felt about it. The major reasons for their frustration are lack of individual care and thoughts about the childhood life when they see kids going to school. So can we make them happy permanently and transform them into better individuals? Yes. You need not be like Mother Theresa who can be compared to God. But can’t we at least be good humans? One of the solutions for this is to adopt a kid. Even if 20% of we Indians adopt, there would be no orphanages. Can you be one among them?

There are few people who cannot afford to adopt due to financial reasons. But people who can afford please do shower your love on the orphans by adopting. Do them all favors that you would do for your own kid. The process involved in adopting a child is far easier than the decision making by itself .One undergoes a lot of mental turmoil to decide whether one must adopt or not. It’s not really the drive or the need that comes in the way/hampers decision making but it’s the uncontrollable factors that pull one backwards such as, what will my relatives or friends think? How will I face a question if some asks why doesn’t my child look like me or how will the child react when he grows up and knows that his parents are not his biological parents?

However these are just passing thoughts. The exhilaration of having given life to a helpless child and bringing another child into one’s family far outweighs the doubts and suspicions that is in the mind. Once the decision is made, there should be no looking back and rest will fall in place. Love can do miracles. Children emulate adults/parents. How he turns out to be lies in the hands of the parents who adopt him. The character of the child is built by the upbringing and love showered and not by genes acquired.

Adopting does teach the kid good character and in turn he/she becomes a better person which is needed for the society and for the nation as well. All these apply not only to orphanages, but also to the individuals who are disabled. Little drops make an ocean and if we start out with a drop, ocean is not too far away .Lets together endeavor to make a better tomorrow!