Pet Peeves

A pet peeve (or pet hate) is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to him/her, to a greater degree than others may find it. Pet peeves often involve specific behaviors of someone close, such as a spouse or significant other. These behaviors may involve disrespect, manners, personal hygiene, relationships, and family issues. Examples may be; poor table manners, sloppy kitchen hygiene, smoking, grammatical errors in written passages, inconsiderate driving or lazy co-workers. I came across ‘My Pet Peeves’ topic in some other blog and I found the pet peeves interesting and hence a post on this ๐Ÿ™‚

My Pet Peeves :

1) The biggest thing that annoys me is when people accentuate on the statement ‘I am what I am’ – This statement has become a novel trend nowadays(Share some real life examples on this if you have come across this statement) and as a result of which people do not think of changing their attitude even if they are wrong. Most lovers, when they get really close to each other, get to know about the minutiae(minor details) of the other person’s behavioural traits. When that person is asked to change something by his/her loved one, statements like ‘I am what I am and accept me the way I am’ come into picture. I think, atleast when something good is said, people shouldย react and think phlegmatically(in a calm and unexcitable manner)ย rather than follow the above statement blindly.

2) Usage of too many complex words with the intention to show off – A year back, I read an essay written by Mr.X and it was reviewed by Mr.Y who is an editor in an established journal. His review comments were “I think you have put in a lot of effort for GRE. But posting too many GRE words would not make a writing look fabulous but it will make the reader a little irritated. There are so many other factors required for good writing. The main purpose of a writing or speech is for it to reach the audience” ๐Ÿ™‚

3) Friends dine together and a guy/girl says ‘do not use your spoon or hand in my plate when his/her friend tries to do that’ – Sometimes that particular food is thrown away when someone touches it. Is the spoon or hand tainted?I really do not know if it involves hygiene but I feel irritated when someone does it. I can accept the above peeve to an extent if a third person tries to do this. I dont find anything wrong in sharing food when friends are around. This is one of the indicators to test your tolerance level.

You guys will have your own pet peeves and some may have some of the mentioned peeves in this post. So do share your pet peeves here. ๐Ÿ™‚

Get this damn evil abolished

Few days back , while having lunch with my team mates, out of nowhere a discussion on dowry popped up. And this is one of my favourite topics to argue and according to me, I will not compromise on this issue.

During my 1st year in college, I volunteered to speak about dowry in the Basics of Electronics class when Sir asked someone to talk about something that they liked/disliked.I looked at the girls and started with this question ‘How many of you would give dowry when you are asked for?”. None answered. Then I asked them ‘Would you say ‘no’ to your mom when she agrees to give the specified amount?”. Two of the girls said ‘How can i say ‘No'”. Before I could express further, rest of the class started making some funny expressions and they told me come and sit and not to bug the class ๐Ÿ™‚ But I always wanted to create an awareness on this senseless/sensitive issue. Dowry has become a tradition. But isn’t it a crap??

The following are written based on people who demand dowry and who accept it.

What has dowry done?

  1. Some boys use dowry to complete their higher studies.
  2. Suicides by girls as they have been forced to give money.
  3. Girls have been harassed
  4. Boys’ parents initiate marriage discussion with the thought of ‘How much can we ask’

Arguments from Boys’ parents when you ask them ‘why do you ask dowry’ :

  1. It is the tradition. And I have got a boy which implies that dowry is a must.
  2. If I do not ask, my relatives would say something bad.
  3. It is my prestige issue. I have to get more than what my brother/sister got for his son.
  4. This is a must in our caste. Else people will laugh.
  5. Girl is coming to our house. So she cannot come as such. She has to bring something

Arguments from Girls’ parents when boys’ parents say ‘ We are against dowry’ :

  1. We doubt if the boy has some incapability
  2. What will I say when my relatives ask me about this. This is a shame for me.
  3. Fine. But we will give our child everything that we have as we bought all these for her (But the actual reason would have been their prestige issue. And that they would have wanted to compete with other relatives or friends with the amount or jewels given to their daughter). Very few tell that statement from heart.

Are these answers SENSIBLE? oof.. I do not want to dig the past. For this issue to continue till now, I would blame this generation.

When boy’s parents ask for dowry, most girls’ parents do not refuse it. Why is this happening? Are the girls’ parents trying to sell their daughters for the rate fixed by buyers? Arent they ashamed of what they are doing? Also Arent the boys’ parents ashamed of their activities? What makes them ask so much? Even the mother of the guy who was in that situation when she got married is not able to think now. Arent we educated? Who the hell are responsible for these? Isnt this generation responsible for this?ย  Asking me how? Read further.

When your mom or dad says that he/she would ask for dowry or he/she would give the amount asked for, it is the child’s responsibility to question his/her parents. How many of us question our parents when they are wrong? When you never question your parents when they are wrong, it is obviously difficult for a boy especially to lead a marriage life. After a girl enters your family, If you keep listening to whatever your mom says (If she says something that is good, then you can listen) and if you ask your wife to obey her everytime eventhough your mom is wrong, your wife will get frustrated obviously. Leave this apart. This is another separate topic to argue on.

When you start questioning your parents, they will surely think of it atleast for sometime atleast when they go to bed. They cannot avoid thinking about what you say when you stress upon saying that your parents are wrong. There is nothing wrong in it. If you think this is lack of respect, then it is your own assumption. Probably parents may feel that children are not respecting their views. Infact every parent’s duty is to listen to his/her child for sometime and to respect the child’s views. Do not worry about what your parents think about this but just voice out the reality to them.

The following is a real life example:

One of my friend’s friend was married to a very rich family where they demanded lot of money, car etc. Girls’ dad somehow arranged for the money and gave it to them as he was happy that his daughter is gonna be rich hereafter. After marriage, the guy listened to his mom always and did not respect the views of his wife. This girl was a little irritated. After sometime, the guy’s mom demanded more money because someone had told her that what she got from that girl was very low. And the guy kept quiet. Girl was tortured to the maximum for money and finally she applied for divorce. Now she seems to be happy. FU**.. I felt like hitting that boy. What the hell is gonna happen if he questions his mom? Why the hell are you youngsters still afraid to question your parents when they are wrong? This happens to be the root cause of this.

When girls are very much against dowry, many keep quiet when their parents agree to give the specified amount. When I asked some of these girls as why would you keep quiet, they said

  • We have no other option. Things wont change. (Then why the hell do you ask for more rights if you knew things are not gonna change?)
  • My parents will not agree if I talk to them (Did you ever talk to them about this first?? )

When i asked them ‘”Dowry act was passed in the 1950’s. Why dont you try filing a case against a guy who demands much from you? coz when 2 or 3 people do this, fear will arise automatically among people who demand”, they said

Oh that cannot be done. Once a girl earns a bad name, who else will marry her. (Pls stop watching lot of movies)

I think there are lot more people who understand things better nowadays. So for sure finding a guy is an easier job eventhough you file a case. You guys need not voice out your views for the nation saying ‘India has to improve in a lot of ways and stuff’. Charity always begins at home. When each of you get things right in each of your home, a beautiful nation is formed. If you realy liked this post, pls show it to your parents so that it may reach others as well.

One of the Most Difficult and the Most Beautiful thing – Accepting your mistake

Right from our childhood, there are so many instances where we wouldn’t have accepted what we did.

How to implant this habit in the child?

When your child commits a mistake or even a blunder for the first time, do not shout or beat him/her. When you do this, they tend to fear as what will happen when they spell out the truth next time and they tend not to accept their mistakes most of the times after that. This habit starts from within a family. Also, when you shout at your kid often for all the silly things that he/she does, the child tends to take it in a very serious way and feels precarious by which fear creeps in easily. Then he/she tends to respect you a lot which is not from the heart. This respect is out of fear. And these children do not talk a lot to their parents when they grow up. Their love doesn’t go down but their freedom of speech gets affected due to that fear that forms in them when they are small. Most children who do not talk to their parents properly now would have been harshly dealt with when they commited mistakes.

How should youngsters or elders implant this habit?

After children grow up, friends come into picture. In that, some of them may be candid in expressing their views eventhough they are wrong. On seeing them, some try to learn eventhough they have not learnt when they were a kid and some continue to be the way they are. When you become mature enough, your ego prevents you from accepting the truth. Many do not realize that apologizing for a mistake earns more respect for a person than arguing that the mistake hasn’t been committed. When you have EGO, youย End up Going in the Opposite direction which is obviously the wrong way. Ego is just a thought that I am superior to you. Leave it aside for a better future.

ย 
Sample Scenario:
ย 
ย In a software industry, it is a must that employees have to attend onsite calls on a regular basis to procure relevant details. Say, the onsite person has said “Screen contains information about XYZ” and the offshore member implements it that way. Suddenly, the higher official says that the screen should contain data about ABC and not about XYZ and the offshore member immediately points his finger to the onsite member who was responsible for this. Finally, the onsite person would say ‘I never said this. He/She misunderstood it’. As most software proffesionals are left out in this precarious state, they are asked to communuicate through mails to have a proof of what is being said. ๐Ÿ™‚

What do you benefit out of not accepting your fault?

  • You earn a good name which is transitory
  • Your growth as a professional is transitory
  • Your happiness is transitory
  • Relationships are transitory and it has to be revived
  • You become a self-centered person

Only transitoriness prevails in your life when you don’t accept what you do.

Accepting your mistake is tantamount to gaining permanence in life with respect in everything that we do. It is up to you to choose between transitoriness and permanence ๐Ÿ™‚

Simple thoughts on parenting from the below poll

For people who chose the first four options in the below poll,

— I doubt if pleasure was your only aim.

— I doubt if you would take care of your parents when they grow old as you cant even do these small things to your kid.

— I doubt if you would help someone in unfriendly surroundings.

It is so obvious that the endurance level is low for you guys. I am happy that the way of parenting has changed in this generation. More men come forward to attend the kids during their poo-poos. This issue seems to be silly but this takes lot of tolerance which is very much needed after a wonder arrives in your family. It was shocking for me to hear from a few girls that they would employ a babysitter to take care of their kids. Then what is their part???? Oh isn’t that kid a victim?? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Babysitting is a crime. For this single issue, there are many people who employ babysitters. When people ask me opinions about people who opt for babysitting, I would say ‘It would be better if they utilize the safety measures mentioned by the government so that they will not have the necessity to pay for babysitting’. It is never late to get yourself into the right track. The only word that determines it is ATTITUDE. Also, there are people who still say ‘Let my wife do’. But hasn’t the count reduced drastically? ๐Ÿ™‚ But still, some guys have to think a little. Parenting should take equal burden. Note that people who say ‘ let my wife do’ or ‘let my husband do’ are quite dominant when it comes to relationships. Argument seems to play a bigger role in the family. It is better to avoid such attitude. Simply having children does not make mothers or fathers. There are a lot more factors that make you to be recognised as a dad or mom by your kid. Your children need your presence more than your presents.ย 

Awesome lines :

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans

And Finally, Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they’re already asleep ๐Ÿ™‚

To win in life, you have to play a big role as a parent as well. So everything is related to this blog. Will get back in detail about this topic sometime later. ๐Ÿ™‚

Poll : Attitude towards your kid :)