Society Suppresses our Expressions

Few years back I traveled by train from Chennai to Coimbatore. I was seated in a coupe where there were 2 families each of them with a 3yr old kid. The kids were playing so happily with their toys/dolls. When the train started, one of the families got down with their child. The child in the train started crying so badly for having taken away from him his little cute friend. His heart was heavy and he expressed his emotions right there. It didn’t matter for him if it was public or private. He tells the world the love he had for his little friend. I felt so sad for him. Children are so open and expressive.

We are so conscious to express ourselves. The environment matters more. Crying is viewed as negative in the society. Loud laughter is negative. What is this society if it even deprives a human of his basic right to cry when he is in deep sorrow or to laugh out loud when his heart is rejoicing?

Our intention is to express but our actual action ends up in impressing the society.

As children we expressed our interests in everything but now we suppress it as we project ourselves to be more strong and dignified.

While looking for a bride, there are instances when we look at the right match and talk to the girls’ parents regarding our interest in her. There would be instances wherein we might not get a reply in a day or two. But we would genuinely be interested to ask their views again but we suppress it. Reason being our thought process which goes like this “We are from the boy’s side and so we shouldn’t be leaning forward so much to know their interest. Let them get back. I should maintain a strong image.”

We don’t even express our basic interests. Unlike children, we kill our intentions basing it upon the undefined, meaningless societal norms.

Our intention is to express but our actual action ends up in impressing the society.

As children, we loved to watch cartoons, read comics, watch animated movies etc.

A 25yr old feels shy to read Champak or to read Tintin in a public library as people look at him/her in a bizarre way. Usual immediate response being “Those are childish books”. But who writes it? A child is it? The 25yr old wishes to express his/her interest in those books but stumbles by what others would say..

Our intention is to express but our actual action ends up in impressing the society.

This society views the word “childish” as a derogatory term but by being childish, it will help us in a lot of ways to express our intentions. Follow your intentions and express your intentions as actions.

Deep down, our intentions are always true and pure but the outside world in a way influences a person to create a mismatch between intentions and actions. It is up to us to resolve the mismatch..

Miss you Grandmother..

It was 30^th September 8.45pm when my loving Grandmother left this world. I really really cannot express how nice a human being she is. Her last word to me was my name “Anand” on September 29^th night around 9pm and she kissed my palm. It felt like something.. I bent down to touch her feet and pray and I broke down as I knew her situation looked bad. I thought “Would this be my last worship??” and I said No No to myself. The next day when I entered my uncle’s house, people started crying. I knew what had happened and this was not I came there for. I couldn’t see her alive on September 30th Memories ran through my mind and tears rolled down my eyes. I was there with her till the moment she was burnt. Her body was sent into the electric furnace like thing. I just couldn’t see that. Hmmmmmmmmmm.. Let her soul rest in Peace..

I loved her innocence. I loved her love for everybody. I loved her attitude of “Do good things even for people who do bad things to you”, I loved her attitude of “Money is not life”. I love her so much.

But I feel bad for one thing. I repent for it. It pricks me.

Even when I go to a shop nearby, she used to say “Careful Anand. Cross the road carefully. Ride the bike slowly.. I will go to the shop and come.. You take rest”.. Whenever she said this 5 or 6 times, I got little irritated and said “Please don’t keep repeating. I am not a little kid”.. Sometimes very softly. Sometimes I said a little harshly.

She loved me to that extent that made her tell multiple times. But why did I reply harshly to her?? Why couldn’t have I ignored those repeated statements? This pricks me.. It pricks me hard..

Why do I realize it now saying it is love and why did I say it was ‘loving and pampering’ me at that time? I am so so so sorry paati.. I loved u so much but at times I hurt you by being harsh whenever you repeatedly said things. I am very very sorry paati.. I request everyone to not be harsh to their loved ones whatever the reason might be that triggers you. It really pains later..

Now that I am feeling but

She is not there to repeatedly say things

She is not there to call me “KUTTY”

She is not there to call me “THANGAM”

She is not there to hold my hand and kiss my palm

She is not there to make me the dishes that I love, anytime I ask

Whenever my mother kept sweets in her plate, she broke it in half and fed me the rest or sometimes even gave me the whole sweet.

She showered so much love on me. I am able to see only her everywhere.. In the things that she used, in the place where she slept, in the pickle that she loved..

My mom, aunt and few others were serving us (Cousins and me) food yesterday morning. When we were eating, my cousin said a statement “Remember how she used to serve food for us?”. It just brought tears in my eyes. I remembered the rice rolls she gave us. I remembered the big banana leaf she placed in front of us and served with full heart. She seems to be everywhere now just like God..

You are GREAT grandmother. You are loved by so many people and that shows who you are. Please be with me all my life..

I love u so much and I will miss you very badly.

Unconditional Love

I am not sure how long my grandmother will be there in this world. She is ill and suffering now.. She is 93yrs old. I have never ever seen a hard worker like her but I guess god has ordered her to take rest now.. Yesterday, she couldn’t bear her heart pain and she said “I am going to die” and she wanted to see all her sons, daughters and grand children as soon as possible. Everyone arrived immediately and we were with her. Her son (My Uncle), whose house she was in, had a severe headache that day morning. We told him “Go and sleep since you have severe headache” and my grandmother somehow heard what we said. Time passed by and it was night..

Grandmother (In the bed.. Not even able to turn and see her son properly.. Suffering with pain..): Calling her son through actions .. Says come come with her hands

My uncle goes near her and bends forward

Grandmother: Did u take tablets for your headache? Are you ok now?

Inspite of her suffering, inspite of her fear of leaving the world, she asks her son this question without forgetting.

This is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The moment was truly emotional for me. It just conveyed one thing. “Money isn’t life and it alone cannot bring you happiness”.. People, who go behind money all the time, just give it a thought.

Yet another tradition/belief followed blindly

A week back, when I went to my relative’s house for lunch, this happened.

• Aunt (Serving me food, she serves rice first)
• Uncle: You have to keep vegetables first and then you will have to serve rice
• Aunt (She obeys his words)
• Me: Why uncle? Why such formalities and all.
• Uncle: This is how you should serve food and you shouldn’t serve rice first. Keep vegetables, then rice and then sambar/rasam.. Elders keep telling this time and again.

I am sure many South Indians or might be even some North Indians would have heard this. It has been followed blindly in many houses. In fact it is not necessary that we should follow it at home.

This tradition started in a marriage when this happened. There were many people sitting in a row and rice was served first. They had to wait for a few minutes before vegetables were served. Rice cannot be consumed as such without Sambar or vegetables. It doesn’t taste good. This wait made them feel irritated. Hence we find people serving sweets, vegetables first and then rice during receptions/marriages that we visit. People can eat sweets and vegetables even it takes few minutes for people to serve rice. This keeps people occupied without making them to wait.

When it comes to marriages/receptions, we would love our visitors to go out of the hall with their heart filled with happiness. So whether the caterer believes in the tradition or not, he just follows the tradition thinking some of them in the crowd might lose their temper if rice is served first thereby creating unhappiness or that he might lose his catering business. This makes sense.

At home, we don’t have a crowd like in a reception hall. So even though rice is kept first, immediately vegetables will be served. This tradition doesn’t make sense here is what I feel.

Please pour in your suggestions if you have any

Ashamed to write this blog.. But will not feel ashamed again..

I feel guilty… Very guilty.. I respect my nation to the core

• I have stood for the National Anthem even if it was telecasted on the Television
• I have stood for the National Anthem whenever it was played before a sport (Cricket, hockey etc) begins
• I always had the basic courtesy to respect my National Anthem no matter where I was or what I was doing..

But did I sing the Anthem correctly??

I was always sure that I made few mistakes in pronouncing few words of the Anthem

I always had this in my mind whenever I sang it but didn’t correct it immediately. I accept. Mistake is mine. Finally it was yesterday when an incident broke the shackles of my mispronunciation. It was yesterday’s briefing session for the Toastmasters Division contest which happened today that took away my shame. I was asked by the MC to join a troupe of good singing girls to sing the anthem (Don’t worry I opted out at the last moment to make it sound good ). This was when I went home and googled for the anthem’s lyrics and heard the youtube versions for pronunciation and finally got it right. Now I can sing confidently

How many of us pronounce each and every word correctly? How many of us just join the group and just sing with them?

Please learn this quickly and take out your shame like me..

Lyrics:

jana-gaNa-mana-adhinAyaka, jaya he’
bhArata-bhAgya-vidhAtA
punjAba-sindhu-gujarAta-marAThA-
drAviDa-utkaLa-bangA
vindhya himAchala yamunA gangA
uchchala jaladhi tarangA

tava Subha nAme’ jAge’
tava Subha ASisha mAge’
gAhe’ tava jaya-gAthA |

jana-gaNa-mangaLadAyaka, jaya he’
bhArata-bhAgya-vidhAtA
jaya he’, jaya he’, jaya he’,
jaya jaya jaya, jaya he’ |